i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
