you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
