I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
