So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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