physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
