mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
