An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
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