Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
