party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
