This dress was meant to end up on your floor
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
