So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
