So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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