So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
