WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
