i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
