Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Can you bring me the toilet please
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize