using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize