guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Randomize
