I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Randomize
