dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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