im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize