Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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