i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
