i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
