I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
