hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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