MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
What a dumb baby whore.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
