He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
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