He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
