i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
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