this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
