Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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