Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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