I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
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