dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize