Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Randomize