He is an equal opportunity slut.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
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