Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
