New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
