At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
