i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I'm just crazy horny about you
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Randomize
