Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
