just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize