It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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