drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize
