party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize