it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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