Banned from zoo.
Again?
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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