i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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