i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Actions speak louder than pants.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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