Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I think i got beer on your cat.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize