Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
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