Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
