Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
God I need to hump something, right now.
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