you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize