brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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