after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
