phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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