Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
How's work?
Spinning.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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