You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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