Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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