Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
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