Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
