your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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