I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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