You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
im holly from the hills drunk
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
