So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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