New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
