I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
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