these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
