I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
