Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
She told me I should be a condom model.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
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