I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
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