when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
What a dumb baby whore.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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