you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
