No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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