I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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