Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
