My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
