Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
