We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
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