I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
