So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
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