is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
