I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
