my room smells like sperm. sweet.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Randomize
