I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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