Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
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