After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
