he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
