well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
