Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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