shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize