He uses pillows to masturbate.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
