So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
