when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
