Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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