Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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