wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Let's get the cat blown out
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
