so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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