I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
porn star boner night. come get it.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
