my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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