rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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