my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
