I'm really into asian looking animals
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
